New Year, Same Me (Mostly)

It's about time for school to start again so I guess it's about time for me to wax philosophical and write down words again.

Plus, it'll put off writing those progress reports hanging over my head just a little bit longer to make the pressure of getting them done grow to a point where I may actually do them.

I'm in a really healthy place.

Remarkably accurate depiction of my 2018 save for my being a female.

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2018 wasn't a bad year.

 I said goodbye to one awesome class of goofballs.

I discovered laser tag.

I had a former student get glasses like me so we could be twins.

I didn't bail on small group, actually loved it, and have new friends who tolerate me, love Jesus, and host awesome parties.

I watched almost every game of the World Cup.

I got a new crew of kids, lost one, was told by my parents I shouldn't say I lost a student and instead make sure I say the kid moved, and then got two more awesome kids.

I got a niece with giant cheeks.

I didn't get fired.

I got to see friends from Tanzania and regretted not getting fired so that I would be basically be forced to move back to TZ.

I had a kid hide her shoes and come to school wearing only socks. You would have done it too if you were wearing velociraptor socks. You can't hide greatness.
 
I decided to write down the title of every book I read and became an obsessive reader, finishing 77 books during the year, not counting the great literature read in my classroom. Props to my dealer Shannan for lending me a good 25% of those titles.

I got involved with some things at work that I'm proud of--advocating for kids who don't have the same resources as others and celebrating our international community.

I didn't pay rent over the summer.

I wore a hotdog costume to work.

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2018, like all years, had some rough patches too.

I had friends move away. Some to faraway hallways, some to new states. Whatever. Distance hurts and I am horrible at keeping in touch.

I was snotted on, headbutted, bitten, and hit with a pair of wet underwear I saw flying my way in slow motion but was helpless to doing anything about. People walking by my classroom regularly hear, "I'm a teacher, not a tissue!" being yelled, I mean, whispered kindly, to my cherubs.

I slept too much and started wasting weekends.
 
I was told by a screaming four year old that he was stronger than me, but I was at work so I couldn't arm wrestle him and prove my superiority.

I had my living quarters invaded by mysterious fungus, angry wasps, a giant cockroach, and an unwelcome mouse. Shoutout to my fearless roommate for setting the mouse traps and pointing out the dead mouse just hanging out when the maintenance man arrived.

I saw at least two kids playing in toilet water. Given my numbers, that's roughly 20% of my kids, folks.

I went on a mortifying date, but not for the reason you're thinking it was mortifying, unless you're thinking it was mortifying because he unironically called Jason's Deli swanky and ushered me out before I got my free ice cream.

I had a kid get so excited about gravity that he taught his friends some new words. They rhyme with moly spit.

I had my dinosaur girl cry because I wouldn't let her eat an entire birthday cake. The first words we heard from her all year may have been, "Sad birthday! Sad birthday!"

I was mocked by my bosses for simultaneously ruining a kid's birthday and breaking school policy.

I finally started my ant farm that I got for Christmas in fifth grade and was a terribly unsuccessful ant farmer.

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Last January an ambitious friend of my made us write a letter to ourselves a year out. She wanted us to talk about our hopes and goals for the year. Me, being the serious person I am who is totally unafraid of failure took the assignment to heart.

It read, "Hey Beautiful, I hope reading this is less weird than writing this is."

And then I proceeded to set lofty goals like washing my sheets, finding a place to live, and not getting pregnant.

I met the majority of the goals in addition to the ones I included just to make sure I accomplished something.

Travel somewhere new--check. I invited myself over to Michelle's lakemansion. The term lakehouse does not do it justice.

Tom Petty's house or Michelle's lakemansion? I don't know--I can't tell the difference.

Go to the dentist--check. It'd been a while. It was super fun, especially after getting approximately 98 fillings THEN finding out my dental insurance was cancelled when I lived in Tanzania, but now I can say I've had a true American healthcare experience.

Find insurance--check. It took a hot minute and didn't kick in until now, but thank God I didn't have any emergencies while uninsured

Watch the boys for my sister--check. Surprise! She also had a girl by the end of the year, but she knew the panic I would experience if she left me alone with a newborn. Cute, squishy, and oh-so volatile.

Talk to a man--check. As I was driving to my hometown to Jacob's house to see high school/college friends, I briefly panicked as I wondered if I had hung out with any men since the last time I saw Jacob... one year prior at New Year's Eve 2017. I remembered my bad date and those two weekends I drove to the city to play kickball and field day with strangers. Three interactions with males over the age of 6 over the course of a year. Not my best work.

The goals for 2018 I couldn't check off? Being a positive influence to adults at work, reading the Old Testament, and putting effort into finding a church home.

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I should be able to write goals like it's my job because, well, as a special ed teacher, it is. I'm super good at telling other people what to do to grow. Working on things myself? Yeah, I gave that up in about third grade. 

This year though, I think I'll try. 

Historically I reflect on where I'd like to grow, think about it for a few days, and then forget about it. I guess this year I am going to try to actually write goals down for me to rediscover in 12 months.

Every other year of my life: 

This year:

For the most part you'll still be getting new year, same me, but I'm going to try to address a few deficit areas.

• Read less

I learned a lot and I loved a lot of the books I read last year, but reading also became a crutch and a reason I didn't feel like going and doing anything. If I stop hiding behind books I may spend time with friends. Maybe not because new year, same me, but hey.

• Learn to use Excel 

Once upon a last semester I got to make a presentation to ask for books and computers for special ed because people were actually willing to listen to us and do something about it. It would have been easier and prettier if I knew how to use Excel better. Same for my compiling data about families interested in participating in International Night. Sadly, the only thing I remember from my middle school computer classes is that JaRay flipped over the keyboard to cheat on our labeling test and still made a 14.

• Go on three dates

It may not be pretty, it'll be something. Shockingly enough, between working in a building where approximately 98% of the staff are females and driving back to hide in my bedroom to read, I haven't made a lot [read: any] male friends in Georgia. I figured setting a lofty goal [baseline is one date per 25 years] would force me to get out of my comfort zone, nervous sweat, and then not just curl up and give up until I turn 50. I may even have to talk people to meet this goal.

• Exercise at least once a week

Last year I think I played dodgeball in January, kickball in October, and walked in a circle sometime in November. Oh, I can't forget that one cult-like mandatory walk meeting we had at work one time. Basically in 2018 I was a fitness aficionado, but 2019 I'm going to kick it up a notch. Based on my sore legs and minor heart attack after 28 minutes of walking and 2 minutes of jogging, I'm well on my way to meeting Brittany at OrangeTheory at 4 every morning.

Some call me Sparkles, but you can call me Exercise Queen if you want.

• Go to church the majority of Sundays each month 

I got disillusioned after a super weird small group at this church I had been going to where they started talking about feminine hygiene and mommy issues with strangers, decided the drive was too far, and then just started staying in bed to read or rest until basically Monday morning. I got together with a group of believers every week for several hours, but I wasn't a part of a larger church. I am leaving room for travel, but getting involved in a multi-generational church and having a larger community of people who have similar worldviews is important. 

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There are plenty of other things I'd like to do, but the more goals I set, the more likely I am to give up on them. Trust me, my bosses would love for me to work on lots of things, but they only keep data on how often I greet them aloud. Same thing is true here. 

I'm informally working on being nice to the tech guy at school, my former nemesis. Maybe I'll eat fewer bags of chips. Maybe I'll learn to cook something new. Maybe I'll read the Old Testament through. Maybe I'll be able to say nice things to people instead of only being capable of writing them down. Maybe I can trick my quiet student into talking. 

Maybe I'll make progress on some of my actual goals. 

What are you working on this year? 

Feel free to check in with me to hold me accountable. If you don't hear back from me, I'm shunning you because I'm not doing well, but hey. New year, same me. You knew what you were getting into.  Maybe 2020 will be my year.