One Month

     This is the one I didn't want to write. And to be honest, for a while there I thought I might not have to for another year. 
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     In one month, I'll be leaving Tanzania to move back to the States. 

      The when is easy to explain. It isn't easy, but it's easy to explain at least. Leave Geita May 26, fly out of Tanzania the 27th, arrive in the US the 28th. Even though it is hard for me to imagine only doing this 29 more days, having a departure date in some ways makes things a little easier than the "I don't know." I held onto for most of my time here.

     But the where, the what's next, and the why? Those aren't so easy. 

     I'll return to North Alabama. But I don't really know where. My family has lived in the same place my entire life, but my parents apparently couldn't handle being there without me and up and moved since I've been gone. I don't know where their new place is, but I'm going to try to be a good sport about it because I haven't ever seen them so excited about something before. You guys are going to have to help hold me to that because sentimental me has a hard time imagining going home but not to the home I've always known. Anyway, I'll be there with my parents/sister's family for at least a bit of the summer as I work on the what's next part of it all.

     I don't know what will happen, but the goal is for me to get a job teaching special education. The (current) dream is to work in a public elementary school, but we'll see. I imagine I will be in Alabama, but I may also look into Tennessee and Georgia. It's funny that I have no qualms about up and moving to East Africa, but up and leaving my little comfort zone of the South is out of the question right now. But anyway, I'm trying to revamp resumes, contact past supervisors/professors, and work on my application for the state so that shortly after I return I can start interviewing. All of this is pretty intimidating to me, but I'm excited about the thought of working with small friends with disabilities again. Any prayer, interview advice, encouragement, or classroom-esque stuff is greatly appreciated. (Especially since the small amount I have accumulated may prove tough to track down since it could be packed anywhere...and in multiple locations.)

     So, why am I coming back?

     I don't think I really know right now. I love, love, love it here. I love what I am doing, the things I am blessed to be a part of each and every day. I love the redemption and reconciliation I am continually blessed to witness. I love my friends/teammates. I love my small friends next door, especially when they squeal, "Ka-lee-see-tuh!" I love that my work is always different and that I get to have my hands in so many different kinds of ministry.

But I am coming home because I told the Lord I would.

Because I wanted to honor what I told my parents because I told them I would come back.

Because I think it is wise to get teaching experience. 

Because I can't further my education without money. And you need a job to earn said money.

Because I can't speak Swahili well enough, and it's incredibly hard to do anything helpful without being able to communicate effectively.

Because the deal was for me to come for a few months to teach and be taught. 

Because the people here need advocates over there. The missionaries. (Pray for them. Support them. Check on them.) The local churches. (Trust them. Rejoice with them. Empower [not handicap] them.) The vulnerable. (Petition for them. Support LEGITIMATE ministries that help them.) My undergrad degree is in being an advocate; I'm excited to combine my two loves.

Because my leaving will allow very capable people to see just how capable they are and give a job to someone who is way more qualified to do what I have been helping with.
Because if I'm going to be a "sent one," I want to be sent by a church, not by a me. I am so, so grateful for the individuals and two churches who helped me get to Geita, who have prayed blessings over my time here and both the light and darkness in the area and provided for me financially. But to have a church who is passionate about what is going on in God's Kingdom around the world, who is committed to praying over me and my work regularly, who is okay with the church here not looking like the church there? A church that takes me seriously despite my being young or--even worse--a female? A church who knows me, loves me, blesses me to go, and shepherds me along the way? Whether working at a public school or moving across the world to serve as an ambassador for Christ elsewhere, you and I both need that kind of church.

And because Cheryl has caused me to believe that I am bound to step on a black mamba. Probably in my house. In the dark.
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     It stinks. And I'm sad. I'm excited because I know so many adventures await in the coming months. Discovering a new town. [Hopefully] getting my first big girl job. Falling in love with new small friends. Ministering people from my own culture...in a language I know! Stumbling through the church-finding process wherever I land. Fending off the men, just like old times. It's going to be great. 

     I know it's okay to be sad. And I know who holds me in His hand. And it's already been proven to me that I have an amazing group of friend who love me better than I could have ever imagined. Be patient with me as I head back? I'm excited to see you all in a month. Especially you, boys.

Here's a little reminder of what you're looking forward to, folks.